I don't know if I have ever been there. When I was in my deep depression I thought "why bother even being here?" but not in the way of doing myself in, just in feeling invisiable. I would leave before I would think that way too hard.
There were times I thought "geez, if I make a sharp right or left with the steering wheel of my car" I could fly into the river/hillside/oncoming truck. But that is as far as it went. I thought a lot more (and still do because dammit I need some adventure in life!!!) about just passing my exits and seeing how far a road would take me, perhaps all the way to the oceans.
But kill myself. No. I would rather just disappear.
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